Well, I read through all the requirements and one stood out with an ominous feel... "Read the Book of Mormon." I know that I should not feel this way about such a basic requirement. It is the one book that will bring you closer to Christ than any other. We should be reading it every night as a family. It is how God talks to us. I think my major issue is that I have yet to complete it, and now I have psyched myself out. When I was in high school, I read the whole book except maybe 10 pages. 10 more pages! That's it! I got into a rough spot in life and choked. It is very embarrassing, really.
I think the truth is that I was scared to take the challenge by Moroni and so sabotaged my efforts. Moroni promises to have God manifest "the truth of [the Book] unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost" (Moroni Ch. 10 verse 4). Through my life, I have not often had the Spirit manifest strongly that something is right or true. I generally get warnings that something is wrong, or a path unwise. Consequentially, to be asked to change my relationship with the Holy Spirit is extremely intimidating.
Part of the struggle I have with re-reading the Book of Mormon is that it feels very segmented and my mind wonders. It is like each verse is an individual quote, and I cannot find a flow or story line. I was explaining this to Josh the other day, and he had just read about the original version that was printed in the early days of the church. It was an actual novel. No verses; those were added later to aid in deep scripture study. We looked it up on the Internet, and you can buy the 1830 replica edition for $23 from Deseret Book. I am really excited! We are going to buy it tonight.
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I completely understand with your nervousness to read it, as I have yet to read the whole thing through also. I was down to the last book. As I was reading this though I thought about what you said about changing your relationship with the spirit; it is an intimadating thing, as we have talked about before only recieving the definate no's, no profound yes's in our lives. Then I thought about us as parents and about us with our parents is it not just as if not more important that we tell our children what they are doing right rather than them always here no. No you can't do this, no that is unwise. It is so crucial that we hear and feel the yes's in our lives. It can change our perception on everything. It can bring us from a pessimistic attitude to an optomistic outlook. I know that hopefully you will be able to understand my rambling as you have been around me long enough, but for those who read this also I know I don't make sense to others. I hope you will be able to follow the dots enought to understand. lol. I am proud of you go for it Ash! I think buying the novel of the Book of Mormon will help. I also feel paranoid with the verses, that I am not catching the indepth knowledge that each verse is giving me. Let me know if it works out for ya!
ReplyDeleteI think the fact that you are getting psyched out is due to how you feel about the importance of reading the book. It is a wonderful knowledge that we have of who we are. Sometimes it is scary though to think that we will fall short. I know that I feel that way quite often. It is very intimidating to try harder.
ReplyDeleteRemember this thought by Marianne Williamson in A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
"We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
"We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
This is an excellent quote that describes exactly how I feel about this sometimes. I love you. Keep pressing forward. You are doing a great job. You don't realize the example you are to me.
I think it's so awesome you are doing this, it's such an inspiration. This is really fun to read!
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